Sunday, November 30, 2008

Its SHOCKING!!

I am completely shocked at how disgusting people can be and the lies that we tell ourselves to feel better about it. Today was another perspective changing day and not for very good reasons.

I feel okay with it because I can't control what others do, say, or think but I can still be annoyed. I just have to keep telling myself that it makes me who I am and I am better because I handled the situation with class but I am feeling a little broken. My cold black heart was starting to warm up and now it just feels like it is going right back to where it was... I am feeling a little grinch-ish... my heart is too small for all of this nonsense.

I am going to bed.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Change in perspective


Tonight was a very eye opening evening for me. I have joined this book club and met some of the most wonderful women that have truly impacted my life in such a tangible way.

One of the women went to Africa on a mission trip this past week. She is a nuro-surgeon and was there helping with a free clinic. Her husband is a Construction Superstar and in the three weeks he is going to be there is going to help build homes, a shelter, and several play areas for the children in these villages.

In preparing for the trip she had told us of the needs of this South African community like clothes, socks, shoes, your basic meds, ibuprofen, Tylenol, Advil, and vitamins basic things that you don't think about not having.

Another one of the women felt like it was time for her 7 year old daughter to understand giving for a good cause. So they went through her closet and it was hard for mother and daughter to let go of her "favorite poodle shirt, and sparkly light up sketchers" This was something we talked about more than once in our group how this mother and daughter knowing it was going to a good cause still had a hard time giving up these items that no longer fit.

Holly, the doctor who went on the mission came to our group tonight after missing two weeks to tell us the stories of the tragedy of this poverty stricken area and how many people had been treated by witch doctors and suffered from HIV/AIDS.

There was a family that stood out to her, a grandmother who had just buried her daughter who lost her life to AIDS and was caring for her three children. The eldest girl is 9 but the size of a 4 or 5 year old, her younger brother is 7 and twice her size, and their tiny baby brother at 9 months old didn't even weigh 10lbs.

He was suffering badly from malnutrition, dehydration, HIV/AIDS, and TB. This poor child was fighting with all of his little body to live and losing. He was rushed to a hospital to be made comfortable. The family was too poor to get milk so they fed the infant tea which could not sustain him.

In the evaluations of the rest of the family they found out the older sister also had HIV/AIDS. Not only was she grieving from losing her mother but now she had the disease that took her and so did her baby brother. The 7 year old boy thankfully did not test positive.

Holly and her husband spent a lot of time with the family and in wanted to help in every way that they could, she wanted to give them gifts, help them, and love on them. To keep order they don't get to hang on to the items they bring to donate it causes to many problems with people from the villages fighting and becoming a danger so the donations of clothes and such are given discretely.

Holly just happened to be with the group that was giving out the shoes and noticed this white pair of sparkly light up sketchers that she had neatly packed away and brought along from the 7 year old Park City girls closet. She hoped that they would fit this young girl who was trying to come to grips with the death sentence she was just given. AND THEY DID!!

She was able to give little Tara's shoes to this girl (I wish I could remember her name) and it was one of the most heart wrenching and touching stories she told us with tears streaming down her face this girl danced and twirled to watch the shoes light up.

Holly was able to take a picture and she framed it to give to Tara's mother with a letter from this young girl (translated because she didn't speak much English) of her thankfulness for something as simple as shoes.

We all cried tonight trying to come to grips with the simple day to day things we take for granted. I look at my $200 boots and long for my ass to fit in my $140 jeans and yet I am healthy, I have a home, clean water, food, and loving friends and family. Yet I worry about stuff! It was quite an eye opening evening.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Maybe its the Answer I've been wanting in disguse

I am sitting at my table pondering how to spend the upcoming holiday weekend. I have an invitation to go either to the Grand Canyon or to Moab. I haven't been to either and I think it would be a really good time spent with new friends exploring the greatness of the outdoors. Which totally isn't my thing but I am intrigued with this opportunity, I feel like it could be a really good thing to get out of town and outside of myself. I also could just go home to the fam and the Ziels... I know that they are hoping that is what I choose but I don't know. If I end up staying here I am just going to spend the time with the homeless... I was there not to long ago and I could give back.
Things have been so hectic, new job, new apartment, and new friends. It seems so surreal I have "auto-pilot" moments when I drive towards Taylorsville ready to pull into my little garage and be met at the door by my little dog. None of that is true, Lily is still in Idaho and I don't have a garage I have a numbered spot in a parking lot up a steep hill. Don't get me wrong I love my new space but in the "rebuild" of my life I am in a very different place than what I envisioned when I moved back here.
I didn't think things would swing up and down so drastically, they have been very UP!! and then DOWN!!! more down than up but that is changing. As I think of it I have to remind myself that it makes me who I am and I have to not think about how alone I am right now. I have never slept alone, it sounds funny but I have always either had a boyfriend or more importantly my dog! I need to get on that doctors note! haha! (If you know what I am talking about you will laugh but I am not going to divulge my evil plot to get my Lily here! )
I have so many moments that seem so surreal... It is easy to want a certain life and yet know that it isn't going to happen but I am going to live in the moment and just see where life takes me.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Diet Coke, Fries, and a Frosty


I am sure in my quest to lose weight my lunch today was not the best choice. I was struggling on what I should eat because I needed a treat so the frosty filled that and I needed foody something fries did the trick and then a beverage... What better beverage could you have then I good ole DC!!??

But given that I have gained some unwanted lb's I don't think it was the best idea for such a gourmet lunch. Oh well I enjoyed it I had a stressful morning having to put together a training for our new call center agents so I splurged on the value menu at Wendy's.

I also made some really yummy scone things for my book club tonight I was so good I only ate two and they are tiny (the size of a doughnut hole) and left all of the rest for the gal's to enjoy. I am going to go to the gym tomorrow and see what it costs to join and then make a menu so that I can shed the extra lb's!

But right now it is time for bed!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Woke up and wished that I was dead...

"And the world spins madly on" I have found a new band that I love! The Weepies they are great kind of folky but I love them! I saw them on Dirty Sexy Money and then again on the movie Because I Said So which is actually pretty cute... I love me some Mandy Moore!
I think that I have made some plans for Thanksgiving, my new friends at church are going to take a road trip to the Grand Canyon! I have never been and I think it could be a lot of fun! So if everything works out as planned I will be giving thanks at the Grand Canyon! I think it will be so much fun!!
I have made a pact with myself that I am going to be more fiscally responsible. Doing so I decided that any money I spend on silly things will have to come either from my bonus or from some other means... I decided that turning tricks on the corner while could be quite profitable wasn't really the best way to get some extra cash! haha!! I did end up going do donate plasma it is a quick and almost painless way to do something good and also get a little bit of money. So I paid for my new hat this morning with "Blood Money" haha!!
But in my quest for financial freedom in selling my plasma I also had to be weighed... UGG!! I was so distraught about that number it was really upsetting to me! So I am joining a gym with the remainder of my blood money. I am tired of feeling like Fatty McFat pants. My weight has fluctuated a lot in the past few months and I am tired of the see-saw effect it is having on my body and emotions. So I will be a gymer! haha!!
I scooted to church today! It was a little cold but nice to be out! I did have to buy a beanie cause my ears were frozen but that is okay it was a really great service I have a new hat and I got to ride my scoot without incident. That is all a girl can ask for! :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Major Rhodes Memorial Fund

"Many people have asked how they can support the Rhodes family during this time of loss and if there was a way to support them with the financial burden they have incurred. Therefore I would like to share with you that there is now a memorial fund established for the benefit of the Rhodes family. The fund is set up at Wells Fargo Bank. You can now contact any Wells Fargo branch and tell them you would like to make a donation to the Major Rhodes Memorial Fund and they will be able to assist you with this. Please note that any donations made to this fund are not tax deductible.
Thank you for your love and support of the Rhodes family."

Eric Winter
Outreach and Operations Director
K2 The Church

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Oh Goodness...


So I live in near the Salt Lake City temple, Mormon mecca as I like to refer to it. Unfortunately the vote for proposition 8 in California wasn't what people were hoping for and there were a lot of people disheartened because of this vote. Myself included, I feel that you should be able to marry whoever you want it shouldn't matter if you are of the same sex or not. It doesn't really effect me personally and sooo many people get married for the wrong reason anyway. As a nation we don't hold marriage to a very high standard given that upwards of 50% of them fail.

That said I was not surprised to see that there was a protest at the temple last night in lieu of the news... Here is the crappy part THAT IS WHERE I LIVE!!! I couldn't get down my street at all! I had no where to go I needed to get my laptop to get some work done and there wasn't anywhere for blocks to even park and walk! I was so irritated it took me nearly 2 hours to get from Murray to near my street and then I couldn't even get home I was so flustered that I ended up going the wrong way down a one way street and pulled over. Thankfully the cop didn't give me a ticket but it was really annoying.

I called my sister to vent and she answered the phone and I said Sam "F@ck the Mormons, and F@ck the gays!" and my mom had picked up the other phone not knowing that Sam had already answered it. OOPS!! Sorry mom! I didn't mean to be so vulgar I was just annoyed. I probably would have even walked down to catch a glimpse of the goings on if I would have been able to get anywhere near my home! Oh well... I still had a fun night even though it took me so long to get home.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Maybe we will do some bowling


Michelle is coming this weekend!! Hooray! I am so excited, there was a hiccup in her plans but she is going to be able to come I can't wait! It will be so nice to have her in my new little place and to be able to have a easy weekend with my buddy, buddy. She also told me that she got a sweet harajuku -esque hair cut. Her stylist just got back from Japan and had a book full of hairstyles and she picked a sweet one I can't wait to see it! Myself I am in a blah hair moment my bangs are too long I need a trim and a color so I pulled it up and have it in a double headband. OH well... it is presentable at least.

I also am going to see if my newly found friends from my group want to join us for dinner and maybe some bowling! I have decided that bowling is kind of fun and a cheap and easy way to get some good laughs!

HOORAY!

Better get back to the grind of this morning I have a lot of work to do and I only have my boss in the office for another hour or so before he has to meet with investors and some city officials for another project. Whew life has been crazy but good!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Go VOTE!!


Yay!! Today is the day! I already have been thankfully it was just down the street and a short line! RENEW THE ZOO!!!
I have my sticker now I want to know where I get free coffee for voting!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Wow...

In the previous post I put the email that I received from the lead Pastor at K2 about the terrible tragedy that struck in our community. I was also privy to a few more details tonight in my small group. A woman that is in it works as a neurologist at the University of Utah Hospital and she had worked with Majors father, he is a resident at the University Hospital. This is a very sad event that has really shaken me to the core, and made me question my own value and belief systems strengthening some and also making some crumble and fall.
I have met some of the most amazing women in the past few days and made some very fast friends. I didn't think that I would get as much from this book and this small group as I have. I am also missing some old friends, but lives change and people change and maybe the season of certain friendships have come and gone but maybe it just needs a good freeze, time for sleep and calm, and once thawed will be revisited. That is my hope but for now I will leave it alone, and see what will happen.
My first day at the new fantastic job was just that FANTASTIC!! I did have a sullen undertone but I was so excited to get things ready for our investor to come and to plan and organize the benefit package and to just work hard and apply myself. It has been too long since I have had a chance to work hard and accomplish so much. I feel very good about it! I do have to start extremely early tomorrow, there just wasn't enough time in the day to get done all that needed to be but I got a good chunk out of the way.
Please tell the ones you love that you do and mean it!

...Major Rhodes...

Dear K2 Family,
At this point I am sure that a number of you are aware of the tragic accident that happened in the nursery this last Sunday at K2. Major Rhodes was in our nursery with some other children and four adults when he began choking and stopped breathing. 911 was called immediately and several doctors and nurses who attend K2 immediately came to Major's aid. Paramedics arrived soon after and took him to Primary Children's Hospital. The medical staff were able to get Major breathing, his heart started beating and he was admitted into the Intensive Care Unit. Unfortunately too much time lapsed where Major was not receiving oxygen and he passed away this morning around 4:00 am. It is hard to even express the heaviness in my heart as I write these words to you.
David and Darcy have been surrounded by friends and David's parents were flying in for a visit yesterday so have been here with them the entire time. In speaking with David he is amazed at the grace that God has been giving them and truly feel and are thankful for the support and prayers of everyone.
They were able to donate Major's kidneys and liver to offer life to another child, which was important for them. At this point their plan is to fly back to Nebraska as soon as possible where they will have the funeral and burial service for Major. There will be a memorial service here at K2 soon after they return. We will let you know the date and time as soon as we know.
I am sure that many of you will want to know how you can help. At this point their K2 small group is providing tremendous care and support. After they return we will let you know if there is further, tangible help you could assist with. At this point the greatest thing we can do is be praying for God to shower his grace and comfort on the family and all those involved on Sunday morning.
There are two other things that we want to offer anyone who may need to process this tragic event. First, we will have grief counseling available. You can contact the church office at 801-486-2240 if you feel this would be a helpful service. Second, we will be providing a meeting on Thursday evening at 7:00 to provide a time of prayer and discussion. All of us at this time have been thrown into a jumble of emotion and questions. We are the body of Christ and believe coming together can be helpful so we want to do that.
There are no answers to all the questions we have. But there are some things that we can know are true. And it is the truth about God that we are clinging to in times like these. Last night around 100 of us joined together at the church to pray for Major and the Rhodes family. Psalm 46 came to my mind and I shared it last night. I would like to leave you with these verses from that psalm.

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day...

10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

May we remember that He is ever-present with us and faithful to redeem the hardest things we face. We all appreciate your prayers and support during this difficult time.
David NelsonLead PastorK2 The Church

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Mortality...

Today was the first Sunday that I have volunteered at my church. I have been going on and off since I moved to Salt Lake the first time in 2005 and I love it. I am always uplifted and the message is very personal and powerful like the speaker had been a fly on the wall in my life and then taking the situations or feelings to broadcast them from the pulpit.

It was a no different this morning, it was nice to go early to meet the team that I would be working with and see where I would be of the most use. The hour before first service went much faster than I expected it to with the coffee brewing and the programs ready I took my seat in the auditorium the woman I was shadowing wanted to go to second service so I went to first. The message was powerful and I truly enjoyed it. After the worship I went back to my post at the store front. K2 sells coffee mugs, hats, books, t-shirts, and gives away CD's of previous messages.

Then tragedy struck, a slew of ambulances, police cars, and fire trucks were swarmed around the other building. K2 has a white warehouse and a red one I was serving in the red. People were bustling around trying to figure out what had happened and it was really one of the worst things that could have. A 14 month old little boy had been playing with his dad and other kids in the nursery of the other building and had choked. Details on what he was choking on were not released. Thankfully his dad is a doctor and when he noticed the child struggling for breath gave him the hymlick and then administered CPR while waiting for the medical crew to arrive. Little Major Rhoades, still without breath was then rushed to Primary Children's Hospital. In Lieu of the news the pastors didn't know what to do or how to conduct the second service, so we prayed as small groups and we sang worship songs and prayed that this little boy and his family would be okay.

About 15 minutes into the service news came through that with assistance of machines and in intensive care Little Major was breathing and his vitals were up, we celebrated! I spent the rest of my day reflecting on the message that I had heard from the earlier service and the tragedy of what was happening to this family and the community of K2 the Church. Then around 5:30 my new friends came to pick me up to go to a group that meets on Sunday nights and in the midst of talking about what happened and praying for the family and this little boy news came through that he was without oxygen for nearly 20 minutes and although he was technically alive with the aide of the machines he was completely brain dead. The family was at the hospital making difficult decisions on what to do, and whether or not to donate his organs and let him go to God.

That is all that I know so far, so please anyone who reads this have your thoughts and prayers be with the Rhoades today. Kiss your kids tell them that you love them, let the people in your life that you care about know it. We could all be gone in a moment...