Dang it!

So it is official, I am going to have to get my own Internet at home. My neighbor that I was borrowing it from has put a password on the connection. I am saddened by this, it was nice to not have to pay for Internet. Alas, I can no longer connect to any networks. I don't want to be without it since I don't have TV. UGG!!

Merry Christmas... (a little late)

This holiday season has been kind of weird for me, it didn't snow until really late and growing up in a region with definite seasons that is the first indicator of Christmas. I started a new job in October and have been so busy with it that I didn't get in the spirit of the holiday until like the 20th. Even though I was ready to shop for gifts for my friends and family I was accidentally a very generous giver. Let me clarify that statement, I work right near the homeless shelter and I had an envelope with a large amount of my own money in it and I must have dropped it outside somewhere between my office door and my car. That was a set back to my holiday cheer but I wasn't going to let it get me completely down. (even though it was a very large sum of money)
But then I was hit by another very unsettling non-Christmas spirit event, I was accosted at the mall. When I say I was accosted I mean it I was literally attacked.
I always park in the same spot when I go to the Fashion Place mall because otherwise I lose my car. Being the 21st of December parking spots near the Nordstrom entrance I always park at were scarce. I drove around waiting for someone to leave, and after about 10 minutes I saw little white lights signaling just that. I turned on my blinker and waited for the other Honda to pull out. As I was waiting an Audi pulled up from the other direction and flashed his lights at me to say "I want this spot" I politely waved and flashed my lights back at him to say "NO effing way, I have been sitting here with my blinker on and you just pulled up the wrong way to even get in the spot move along" then the car pulled out and I pulled in. The man in the Audi was furious! He pulled behind my car rolled down his window and started screaming at me. So I sat in my car waiting for him to calm down so I could get out and start my shopping. He didn't pull away... He sat there staring angrily at me while I called people to talk to me and only got voicemails. After about 3 minutes he finally started to pull away so I felt safe to get out of my car, once he saw me exiting and walking to the doors he started screaming again and I just yelled " MERRY CHRISTMAS!!" and walked into the mall. Annoyed at this man and the crowds I hurried through the mall and didn't find anything that I wanted to buy. I walked back into Nordstroms and got as far as the women's shoes when the man came and grabbed my arm! He jerked me and I pulled back as he got right into my face calling me an "F*cking Bitch" and telling me that he was going to kick my ass for taking his parking space. I flipped my phone open and yelled
"9-1-1 " Then the fragrance ladies realized he was being aggressive and called security to escort him out of the building. My dad was sure that he was going to track me down and kill me in my sleep but I am okay so I guess I will just vary my routine just in case he is stalking me.
It was a very crazy holiday experience! But all that aside I had a great Christmas, I made it to Idaho to be with my family (barely the weather was terrible and I had some car troubles but I made it) And we had such a low key holiday that was really wonderful.
Lesson from Holiday 08, if a crazy person wants your parking spot just give it to him, its not worth it!!

I have never been so sad...

I finally finished watching Six Feet Under last night. It was the most beautiful yet completely devastating endings to such a wonderful show. I was so sad I spent 5, count them 5 hours sobbing in front of my television. The last season of that show should never be watched back to back. It is too effing sad.
I finished around midnight and had to call my little sister and discuss it in tears, I couldn't stop crying. It is really stupid but I have been so emotionally invested in this show that I was crushed. I have spent the last few weeks watching it from Season 1 to 5, waiting with bated breath for the next disk to arrive. Seeing Nate die and then in the final episode see how all of the other beloved characters meet their demise. I literally was "boo hoo-ing". As I was sobbing I tried to think of the last time that I had cried this hard and it was at an actual funeral! Talking to Sam about it didn't help I just continued to cry I had to turn on a Disney show to lighten the mood before I went to bed so that I could go to sleep with out an hour of crying in my bed. SO STUPID!!
So here I sit at work with puffy red cry eyes and feeling sleep deprived because I didn't get to sleep until 3 am I was so distraught.
I need to pick a new show to Netflix. I might start watching Weeds or watch Dexter from season one. I haven't decided yet, but it can't be really sad otherwise I will have to hide all of the sharp objects in my home from myself. Haha!!

For a minute there I actually thought I was going to be raped...

So my sisters came down this weekend and it was a lot of fun to have them! We ended up watching Step Brothers a Will Ferrell movie and it is pretty funny. Stupid funny, but I got some good laughs. There is a part in it where Will Ferrell and the other main character are fighting and they beat eachother with anything they can find. Durring the fight Will Ferrell is screaming rape!

In the aftermath as these 40 year old men are being grounded the mother yells "I watched my son use a bicycle as a weapon and scream RAPE at the top of his lungs!" and he responds "For a minute there, I actually thought I was going to be raped! You didn't see the look in his eye, and he said 'I'm gonna do you'" It was so funny!! and the other guy says " I AM NOT A RAPER!!" I died laughing. I think that I am dumber because of this movie. Dropped a few IQ points but I have a few new catch phrases to add to the repituare. BOATS AND HO'S.... BOATS AND HO'S YAY!!!

A Good Day

All in all today was a good day.
It is my mothers birthday and I forgot to send the card that I bought for her. I had to leave work early because I am sick, I think I have an ear infection and I feel like I am underwater. It has completely thrown off my equilibrium so if I move too much I vomit. In the infected ear I hear a constant whistle. It's like Thomas the Train is trapped in it, whistling in hopes someone will hear him and help him back to the track headed to freedom!! I think that I am going to have to fire someone tomorrow (a part of my job that I really don't like) I had a very uncomfortable conversation with a friend that has left me reeling, not knowing what to do with the situation.

All that said....

My Mom does NOT have cancer! You read that right! She will be able to celebrate another year a cancer free year!! It has been a long few weeks to hear back about the biopsy results that doctors were so sure would be BAD news... but NO CANCER!! I am thrilled! I feel so much better knowing that she is going to be okay. The treatment for what she does have will be painful but not life threatening. I am so pleased!

Today was a good day!! :)

I HATE!!

I hate not having TV!! I have never really gone without at least basic channels my whole life so this only netflix thing is killing me!! I just wanted to come home and just turn it on for sound! I don't want to have to pick a movie and go through the struggle of making my shit-tastic DVD player want to play it to watch a movie I have already seen.
I CAN'T STAND IT!! But I am too cheap to pay for cable or anything because I am already paying for netflix! UGG!! There are certain shows that I watch online but that isn't the same, and I steal my Internet from my neighbor so it doesn't always work. Its not like I can go knock on his door and say "damn it my Internet isn't working! What's the deal???" oh well... I guess I will log on to MTV.com and watch The Hills from my kitchen table! AGAIN!!
AHH!!

Worky work work

I am sitting at work doing some research and I am completely over it! I really want to go home, I came in this morning at 9:00 but left for a bit at 5:00 but here I sit at 8:43 wishing I was at home on my couch. Oh well... only 17 more minutes.
It has been a pretty productive day, long but productive. I got an email from someone I totally didn't want to hear from and am annoyed that won't leave me alone. I think that I handled it well but I am still annoyed. If I ask you to leave me alone please do it!
Enough about that... I need to continue to research schools that offer an online GED program... UGG!!

Its SHOCKING!!

I am completely shocked at how disgusting people can be and the lies that we tell ourselves to feel better about it. Today was another perspective changing day and not for very good reasons.

I feel okay with it because I can't control what others do, say, or think but I can still be annoyed. I just have to keep telling myself that it makes me who I am and I am better because I handled the situation with class but I am feeling a little broken. My cold black heart was starting to warm up and now it just feels like it is going right back to where it was... I am feeling a little grinch-ish... my heart is too small for all of this nonsense.

I am going to bed.

Change in perspective

Tonight was a very eye opening evening for me. I have joined this book club and met some of the most wonderful women that have truly impacted my life in such a tangible way.

One of the women went to Africa on a mission trip this past week. She is a nuro-surgeon and was there helping with a free clinic. Her husband is a Construction Superstar and in the three weeks he is going to be there is going to help build homes, a shelter, and several play areas for the children in these villages.

In preparing for the trip she had told us of the needs of this South African community like clothes, socks, shoes, your basic meds, ibuprofen, Tylenol, Advil, and vitamins basic things that you don't think about not having.

Another one of the women felt like it was time for her 7 year old daughter to understand giving for a good cause. So they went through her closet and it was hard for mother and daughter to let go of her "favorite poodle shirt, and sparkly light up sketchers" This was something we talked about more than once in our group how this mother and daughter knowing it was going to a good cause still had a hard time giving up these items that no longer fit.

Holly, the doctor who went on the mission came to our group tonight after missing two weeks to tell us the stories of the tragedy of this poverty stricken area and how many people had been treated by witch doctors and suffered from HIV/AIDS.

There was a family that stood out to her, a grandmother who had just buried her daughter who lost her life to AIDS and was caring for her three children. The eldest girl is 9 but the size of a 4 or 5 year old, her younger brother is 7 and twice her size, and their tiny baby brother at 9 months old didn't even weigh 10lbs.

He was suffering badly from malnutrition, dehydration, HIV/AIDS, and TB. This poor child was fighting with all of his little body to live and losing. He was rushed to a hospital to be made comfortable. The family was too poor to get milk so they fed the infant tea which could not sustain him.

In the evaluations of the rest of the family they found out the older sister also had HIV/AIDS. Not only was she grieving from losing her mother but now she had the disease that took her and so did her baby brother. The 7 year old boy thankfully did not test positive.

Holly and her husband spent a lot of time with the family and in wanted to help in every way that they could, she wanted to give them gifts, help them, and love on them. To keep order they don't get to hang on to the items they bring to donate it causes to many problems with people from the villages fighting and becoming a danger so the donations of clothes and such are given discretely.

Holly just happened to be with the group that was giving out the shoes and noticed this white pair of sparkly light up sketchers that she had neatly packed away and brought along from the 7 year old Park City girls closet. She hoped that they would fit this young girl who was trying to come to grips with the death sentence she was just given. AND THEY DID!!

She was able to give little Tara's shoes to this girl (I wish I could remember her name) and it was one of the most heart wrenching and touching stories she told us with tears streaming down her face this girl danced and twirled to watch the shoes light up.

Holly was able to take a picture and she framed it to give to Tara's mother with a letter from this young girl (translated because she didn't speak much English) of her thankfulness for something as simple as shoes.

We all cried tonight trying to come to grips with the simple day to day things we take for granted. I look at my $200 boots and long for my ass to fit in my $140 jeans and yet I am healthy, I have a home, clean water, food, and loving friends and family. Yet I worry about stuff! It was quite an eye opening evening.

Maybe its the Answer I've been wanting in disguse

I am sitting at my table pondering how to spend the upcoming holiday weekend. I have an invitation to go either to the Grand Canyon or to Moab. I haven't been to either and I think it would be a really good time spent with new friends exploring the greatness of the outdoors. Which totally isn't my thing but I am intrigued with this opportunity, I feel like it could be a really good thing to get out of town and outside of myself. I also could just go home to the fam and the Ziels... I know that they are hoping that is what I choose but I don't know. If I end up staying here I am just going to spend the time with the homeless... I was there not to long ago and I could give back.
Things have been so hectic, new job, new apartment, and new friends. It seems so surreal I have "auto-pilot" moments when I drive towards Taylorsville ready to pull into my little garage and be met at the door by my little dog. None of that is true, Lily is still in Idaho and I don't have a garage I have a numbered spot in a parking lot up a steep hill. Don't get me wrong I love my new space but in the "rebuild" of my life I am in a very different place than what I envisioned when I moved back here.
I didn't think things would swing up and down so drastically, they have been very UP!! and then DOWN!!! more down than up but that is changing. As I think of it I have to remind myself that it makes me who I am and I have to not think about how alone I am right now. I have never slept alone, it sounds funny but I have always either had a boyfriend or more importantly my dog! I need to get on that doctors note! haha! (If you know what I am talking about you will laugh but I am not going to divulge my evil plot to get my Lily here! )
I have so many moments that seem so surreal... It is easy to want a certain life and yet know that it isn't going to happen but I am going to live in the moment and just see where life takes me.

Diet Coke, Fries, and a Frosty

I am sure in my quest to lose weight my lunch today was not the best choice. I was struggling on what I should eat because I needed a treat so the frosty filled that and I needed foody something fries did the trick and then a beverage... What better beverage could you have then I good ole DC!!??

But given that I have gained some unwanted lb's I don't think it was the best idea for such a gourmet lunch. Oh well I enjoyed it I had a stressful morning having to put together a training for our new call center agents so I splurged on the value menu at Wendy's.

I also made some really yummy scone things for my book club tonight I was so good I only ate two and they are tiny (the size of a doughnut hole) and left all of the rest for the gal's to enjoy. I am going to go to the gym tomorrow and see what it costs to join and then make a menu so that I can shed the extra lb's!

But right now it is time for bed!

Woke up and wished that I was dead...

"And the world spins madly on" I have found a new band that I love! The Weepies they are great kind of folky but I love them! I saw them on Dirty Sexy Money and then again on the movie Because I Said So which is actually pretty cute... I love me some Mandy Moore!
I think that I have made some plans for Thanksgiving, my new friends at church are going to take a road trip to the Grand Canyon! I have never been and I think it could be a lot of fun! So if everything works out as planned I will be giving thanks at the Grand Canyon! I think it will be so much fun!!
I have made a pact with myself that I am going to be more fiscally responsible. Doing so I decided that any money I spend on silly things will have to come either from my bonus or from some other means... I decided that turning tricks on the corner while could be quite profitable wasn't really the best way to get some extra cash! haha!! I did end up going do donate plasma it is a quick and almost painless way to do something good and also get a little bit of money. So I paid for my new hat this morning with "Blood Money" haha!!
But in my quest for financial freedom in selling my plasma I also had to be weighed... UGG!! I was so distraught about that number it was really upsetting to me! So I am joining a gym with the remainder of my blood money. I am tired of feeling like Fatty McFat pants. My weight has fluctuated a lot in the past few months and I am tired of the see-saw effect it is having on my body and emotions. So I will be a gymer! haha!!
I scooted to church today! It was a little cold but nice to be out! I did have to buy a beanie cause my ears were frozen but that is okay it was a really great service I have a new hat and I got to ride my scoot without incident. That is all a girl can ask for! :)

Major Rhodes Memorial Fund

"Many people have asked how they can support the Rhodes family during this time of loss and if there was a way to support them with the financial burden they have incurred. Therefore I would like to share with you that there is now a memorial fund established for the benefit of the Rhodes family. The fund is set up at Wells Fargo Bank. You can now contact any Wells Fargo branch and tell them you would like to make a donation to the Major Rhodes Memorial Fund and they will be able to assist you with this. Please note that any donations made to this fund are not tax deductible.
Thank you for your love and support of the Rhodes family."

Eric Winter
Outreach and Operations Director
K2 The Church

Oh Goodness...

So I live in near the Salt Lake City temple, Mormon mecca as I like to refer to it. Unfortunately the vote for proposition 8 in California wasn't what people were hoping for and there were a lot of people disheartened because of this vote. Myself included, I feel that you should be able to marry whoever you want it shouldn't matter if you are of the same sex or not. It doesn't really effect me personally and sooo many people get married for the wrong reason anyway. As a nation we don't hold marriage to a very high standard given that upwards of 50% of them fail.

That said I was not surprised to see that there was a protest at the temple last night in lieu of the news... Here is the crappy part THAT IS WHERE I LIVE!!! I couldn't get down my street at all! I had no where to go I needed to get my laptop to get some work done and there wasn't anywhere for blocks to even park and walk! I was so irritated it took me nearly 2 hours to get from Murray to near my street and then I couldn't even get home I was so flustered that I ended up going the wrong way down a one way street and pulled over. Thankfully the cop didn't give me a ticket but it was really annoying.

I called my sister to vent and she answered the phone and I said Sam "F@ck the Mormons, and F@ck the gays!" and my mom had picked up the other phone not knowing that Sam had already answered it. OOPS!! Sorry mom! I didn't mean to be so vulgar I was just annoyed. I probably would have even walked down to catch a glimpse of the goings on if I would have been able to get anywhere near my home! Oh well... I still had a fun night even though it took me so long to get home.

Maybe we will do some bowling

Michelle is coming this weekend!! Hooray! I am so excited, there was a hiccup in her plans but she is going to be able to come I can't wait! It will be so nice to have her in my new little place and to be able to have a easy weekend with my buddy, buddy. She also told me that she got a sweet harajuku -esque hair cut. Her stylist just got back from Japan and had a book full of hairstyles and she picked a sweet one I can't wait to see it! Myself I am in a blah hair moment my bangs are too long I need a trim and a color so I pulled it up and have it in a double headband. OH well... it is presentable at least.

I also am going to see if my newly found friends from my group want to join us for dinner and maybe some bowling! I have decided that bowling is kind of fun and a cheap and easy way to get some good laughs!

HOORAY!

Better get back to the grind of this morning I have a lot of work to do and I only have my boss in the office for another hour or so before he has to meet with investors and some city officials for another project. Whew life has been crazy but good!

Go VOTE!!

Yay!! Today is the day! I already have been thankfully it was just down the street and a short line! RENEW THE ZOO!!!
I have my sticker now I want to know where I get free coffee for voting!

Wow...

In the previous post I put the email that I received from the lead Pastor at K2 about the terrible tragedy that struck in our community. I was also privy to a few more details tonight in my small group. A woman that is in it works as a neurologist at the University of Utah Hospital and she had worked with Majors father, he is a resident at the University Hospital. This is a very sad event that has really shaken me to the core, and made me question my own value and belief systems strengthening some and also making some crumble and fall.
I have met some of the most amazing women in the past few days and made some very fast friends. I didn't think that I would get as much from this book and this small group as I have. I am also missing some old friends, but lives change and people change and maybe the season of certain friendships have come and gone but maybe it just needs a good freeze, time for sleep and calm, and once thawed will be revisited. That is my hope but for now I will leave it alone, and see what will happen.
My first day at the new fantastic job was just that FANTASTIC!! I did have a sullen undertone but I was so excited to get things ready for our investor to come and to plan and organize the benefit package and to just work hard and apply myself. It has been too long since I have had a chance to work hard and accomplish so much. I feel very good about it! I do have to start extremely early tomorrow, there just wasn't enough time in the day to get done all that needed to be but I got a good chunk out of the way.
Please tell the ones you love that you do and mean it!

...Major Rhodes...

Dear K2 Family,
At this point I am sure that a number of you are aware of the tragic accident that happened in the nursery this last Sunday at K2. Major Rhodes was in our nursery with some other children and four adults when he began choking and stopped breathing. 911 was called immediately and several doctors and nurses who attend K2 immediately came to Major's aid. Paramedics arrived soon after and took him to Primary Children's Hospital. The medical staff were able to get Major breathing, his heart started beating and he was admitted into the Intensive Care Unit. Unfortunately too much time lapsed where Major was not receiving oxygen and he passed away this morning around 4:00 am. It is hard to even express the heaviness in my heart as I write these words to you.
David and Darcy have been surrounded by friends and David's parents were flying in for a visit yesterday so have been here with them the entire time. In speaking with David he is amazed at the grace that God has been giving them and truly feel and are thankful for the support and prayers of everyone.
They were able to donate Major's kidneys and liver to offer life to another child, which was important for them. At this point their plan is to fly back to Nebraska as soon as possible where they will have the funeral and burial service for Major. There will be a memorial service here at K2 soon after they return. We will let you know the date and time as soon as we know.
I am sure that many of you will want to know how you can help. At this point their K2 small group is providing tremendous care and support. After they return we will let you know if there is further, tangible help you could assist with. At this point the greatest thing we can do is be praying for God to shower his grace and comfort on the family and all those involved on Sunday morning.
There are two other things that we want to offer anyone who may need to process this tragic event. First, we will have grief counseling available. You can contact the church office at 801-486-2240 if you feel this would be a helpful service. Second, we will be providing a meeting on Thursday evening at 7:00 to provide a time of prayer and discussion. All of us at this time have been thrown into a jumble of emotion and questions. We are the body of Christ and believe coming together can be helpful so we want to do that.
There are no answers to all the questions we have. But there are some things that we can know are true. And it is the truth about God that we are clinging to in times like these. Last night around 100 of us joined together at the church to pray for Major and the Rhodes family. Psalm 46 came to my mind and I shared it last night. I would like to leave you with these verses from that psalm.

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day...

10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

May we remember that He is ever-present with us and faithful to redeem the hardest things we face. We all appreciate your prayers and support during this difficult time.
David NelsonLead PastorK2 The Church

Mortality...

Today was the first Sunday that I have volunteered at my church. I have been going on and off since I moved to Salt Lake the first time in 2005 and I love it. I am always uplifted and the message is very personal and powerful like the speaker had been a fly on the wall in my life and then taking the situations or feelings to broadcast them from the pulpit.

It was a no different this morning, it was nice to go early to meet the team that I would be working with and see where I would be of the most use. The hour before first service went much faster than I expected it to with the coffee brewing and the programs ready I took my seat in the auditorium the woman I was shadowing wanted to go to second service so I went to first. The message was powerful and I truly enjoyed it. After the worship I went back to my post at the store front. K2 sells coffee mugs, hats, books, t-shirts, and gives away CD's of previous messages.

Then tragedy struck, a slew of ambulances, police cars, and fire trucks were swarmed around the other building. K2 has a white warehouse and a red one I was serving in the red. People were bustling around trying to figure out what had happened and it was really one of the worst things that could have. A 14 month old little boy had been playing with his dad and other kids in the nursery of the other building and had choked. Details on what he was choking on were not released. Thankfully his dad is a doctor and when he noticed the child struggling for breath gave him the hymlick and then administered CPR while waiting for the medical crew to arrive. Little Major Rhoades, still without breath was then rushed to Primary Children's Hospital. In Lieu of the news the pastors didn't know what to do or how to conduct the second service, so we prayed as small groups and we sang worship songs and prayed that this little boy and his family would be okay.

About 15 minutes into the service news came through that with assistance of machines and in intensive care Little Major was breathing and his vitals were up, we celebrated! I spent the rest of my day reflecting on the message that I had heard from the earlier service and the tragedy of what was happening to this family and the community of K2 the Church. Then around 5:30 my new friends came to pick me up to go to a group that meets on Sunday nights and in the midst of talking about what happened and praying for the family and this little boy news came through that he was without oxygen for nearly 20 minutes and although he was technically alive with the aide of the machines he was completely brain dead. The family was at the hospital making difficult decisions on what to do, and whether or not to donate his organs and let him go to God.

That is all that I know so far, so please anyone who reads this have your thoughts and prayers be with the Rhoades today. Kiss your kids tell them that you love them, let the people in your life that you care about know it. We could all be gone in a moment...

Happy Halloween!!!

Today is Halloween one of my favorites if not my fav day of the year!! Yay! I don't have any big plans might be going to a movie or something haven't decided yet. I did get a really great costume I am excited to wear but I think that will wait until tomorrow when I go out with Olyea and Jeffy! Happy Halloween everyone! Have a great and spooky day!!!

Hooray!!!

YAY!!! YAY for me!! I have finally rejoined the ranks of the working class! No not temp not crazy Indians not a stupid jewelery store but a real live job that will easily turn into a real live career!

I could throw up I am so excited!! I officially start tomorrow, would have started today but they didn't have a desk or anything ready for me. They are in the process of setting up a new office. It is right downtown which is so nice because I live downtown now and it is maybe a 3 minute drive I could scoot or walk if I felt like being that ambitious... (probably not haha)

I don't know what my title will be I will write another blog to let everyone know once I know. I could do cartwheels this is so great!! I have also in my kind of unemployed-ness found a lot of really cool bands online. I have had too much time to just sit and email myself adds from craigslist and listen to new music... I love the Semi Precious Weapons... "I can't pay my rent but I am fucking gorgeous!" LOVE IT!! They also have this really great jewelry line, of like a broken heart and axe necklace called the "borden heart" I totally love the story of Lizzy Borden, "Lizzy Borden had an axe she gave her mother 40 whacks, when her father saw what she had done she gave him 41" really great old movie... I need to see if I can find that on net flix. I also have loved the sillines of Jeffry Star... as pictured above he is a crazy loon but hilarious! Well I better go, I am on my scoot today, my Internet won't work so I had to make a trip to the tea grotto

I wanna!

I have decided that I want to learn how to play an instrument. I have always wanted to but I have never put any real effort into finding a class or someone who can teach me. I want to learn how to play the guitar or the piano. I love piano, but I don't have one and they are very cumbersome. So maybe the guitar, not just rock band or guitar hero style like a real life guitar.
I can't sing, (unless you ask Rita) but I still do I am always making up songs and singing along to whatever is on and I really want to be able to put a tune to my little ditty's.
I need to find a man (or woman) about a guitar... and lessons.... hopefully free! haha!!
I also have an interest in the drums, but they again are cumbersome and much more difficult to practice given that I don't have a garage, a band and I do have both arms (ouch bad joke, I shouldn't poke fun at a one armed drummer) I was in love with a boy in high school who was a drummer and I am pretty sure he still is and I love it, I have taken a liking to the drum kit on rock band but I don't really have a whole lot of rhythm so I don't think I could really do it. That foot thing really messes with my mind!!
When we were younger my sister got piano lessons and the other one got violin lessons (also a sound I love) so why shouldn't I try my hand at something now? My parents were always too poor for me to ever go. Alix was babysitting her way into the piano lessons and the violin lessons were a gift to Sam for something that I don't remember.
I really wish that I could sing but there is no changing how bad my voice is without well me dying and being reincarnated into someone who isn't tone deaf! haha!! If I had a choice I would have a raspy haunting voice... but I can't choose that so I guess I will just stick with trying to learn to play something.

I am a girl who has lost her cocaine

"I just don't wanna... so I am walking away. There is nothing you can do I will not stay no I don't need drama so I am walking away yeah I am a girl with a lot on her plate" I love Sia! She is so damn crazy! Her voice is haunting and her lyrics are amazing I love her. I have been downloading a bunch of her music tonight I am really excited except I left my Ipod and cords in the car. OH well I live in a safe neighborhood so I am not going to worry about it. I would put some of it on the Iphone but again the cords are in the car.

I had to get a new cord for my stupid computer! UGG!! I am so irritated. I ordered one online it has yet to arrive so I also had to go to best buy and get one. One good thing about that I don't have to lie, the stupid thing does not charge the battery, it will only work if it is plugged into the outlet. So that is a relief when the new one comes in the mail I can take the one I am using now back with a clear conscience...

Oh yeah and I found a Halloween costume! Hooray!! I have no where to go in it but I do have one and it was half off! so exciting

Money money money must be funny in a rich mans world

I am so tired of money!! Trying to figure out how I am going to make it and how poorly I manage it I am so TIRED!! I hate thinking about it I could scream it is so irritating. I am sitting here blogging about how frustrated I am because I am freaking out on what I am going to do before the 1st to make sure that my carefully constructed house of cards doesn't come tumbling down.

It is so annoying!! I can hardly breathe it is such a weight on my shoulders.

Oh well, it seems like I am always making something work and that is just what I will do, I will make something work. It will be quite the juggling act but I will make it work. I have to I just have to. I have a few difficult phone calls to make and then I will be on my way back to SLC so I can go to the several job interviews that I have set up for the next few days. I am really excited about them too, it seems like they could be really promising. It is nice to be excited again to feel some positive stress not just scary overwhelming stress. But now I need to get on the phone, not my phone either of my phones because they are dead, and I didn't bring the chargers so I will call from the house phone and I also need to shut down the computer given that my stupid charger blew up! UGG!! oh well... I am going to stick with excitement

Halloween

I still haven't even thought of what I am going to be for Halloween! It is probably my very favorite holiday and I have no idea what to dress up as. This shouldn't be terribly upsetting given that I don't really have anywhere to go on Halloween but it still is kind of.
Jennifer and Steve are having a party at there house I think I am going to go to that but I don't know as what and costumes are required for entry. There is also some fab prize for the winner of the best costume contest. I do like to win!
I really don't know what to go as... the devil get up is getting old, I could go goth, but I don't know that I will. I am sure that I will think of something I have a few days before I have to start scrambling. I suppose I could go as a pirate, that is really popular this year. I know that the Z family well at least MZ and BZ are going Arrghhh! I don't know what to do, I am so lame this year. I usually am so pumped and can't think of anything else but this year is blah... LAME LAME LAME!!! Oh well I better get back to what I was doing. Hope all of you have a costume idea.

Spoooky!!!

I am going to a haunted house!! I didn't get to go last year because I don't know why I didn't get to but I am going this year! Oh wait I was just reminded that I did get to go to a DARE haunted house in Idaho last year but it was lame so it was easily forgotten.

I am so excited, we have already purchased our tickets and I can't hardly wait! It will be so much fun. Sam hasn't been to a good haunted house ever. Honestly I don't know if she can take it but we are going to give it a whirl. Last time I went to a good haunted house (like 2 years ago) I was behind the cutest boy and his family and I kept intentionally getting closer to him. That is because I was completely wasted and I was worried I couldn't hold myself up but that is beside the point. He was super cute and his mom told him to get my number but he was embarrassed and once he realized how drunk I was I don't think he was interested. Oh well... that wasn't the point of this blog. The point was I AM GOING TO A HAUNTED HOUSE BITCHES!!!

I am also going sober so it won't be as fun as it has been in the past but either way I am a screamer I don't know that Sam will enjoy that I am "that girl" the characters chase to make the house seem scarier than it is.

I try to let everyone around me know that I am "that girl" so they can choose another place in line or follow behind a little closer to know when something creepy is coming up.

My stomach is turning in anticipation, or the fact that I have eaten like non-stop today... but I do have some yummy potato's waiting for me! ha ha!!!

AHH!!!

I am kind of freaking out today! Everything is getting very complicated, I wish things could just calm down.... I hate freak out mornings, I am trying to deal with stupid Insurance stuff and the lack of Insurance stuff and money... good god man I hate money. I am having a freak out morning!!

Destiny

So I have decided that it is Sam and I's destiny to watch sad movies, we ALWAYS pick horrendously sad movies. Most of them are good but there are very few that are not sad. I have enjoyed most don't get me wrong but I need something uplifting now. We have been switching off from the movies we pick that we haven't seen which will inevitably be sad and Disney movies that I own. You have to have a little pick me up after you watch a cripple who helped another cripple find his "voice" die and then watch Charlize Theron abandon her child. It is nice to have a little Ella Enchanted or Shark's Tale after morning the loss of the other characters.

I don't know where this comes from our inherent need to watch heart wrenching tragedy but it is few and far between that we find something that doesn't have the general theme of overwhelming sadness, apathy, and death. To the point that I don't let her pick movies anymore and I will pick ones that I have already seen. Sometimes you need a good cry but not two or three times in a weekend.... It goes a little overboard. But oh well, we have another sad movie to watch, Donnie Darko, not just sad but weird that is another underlying theme WEIRD! I am not going to even talk about the other movie we got, it was more than weird. The damn thing was porn, straight up porn and not straight porn mostly gay porn. More than I could take, I sent it back before we even got a half an hour into it. TOO WEIRD! Don't get Shortbus! It is not about tards!! It is porn!! Now I am going to watch Children of Men I am sure that it is sad or weird but I am going to see how it goes.

I did also finish the first season of Six Feet Under, I love that show. Also sad and weird but great, the second season is coming soon. I wanted to let Sam see some movies first but next week when she goes home then I will start season two. I think I might mix it up a little bit after season two with some Dexter season one so Sam and I can watch season two over thanksgiving or christmas.

Bear....

I found on my way back to Utah from Idaho this week that you can change almost every Damien Rice song into being about a Bear. I don't know that Sam thought this was as funny as I did but, good god man that was freaking funny!!
Sam came back with me this time, one to see my new place, two so that she could get her math stuff done and just take the damn GED test. A friend of mine helped her last night and she is at a very basic level but with a little more studying she will be able to take the test in November and just be done.
I also am taking advantage of her being here so I can utilize her thrifty-ness. I myself am not very thrifty but she is the queen. I went to the Gateway and didn't purchase anything. That is a feat! It was nice to see Dan he cut his hair!! It looks good, he is the only Utah friend I see anymore and that is only when I go into the Apple Store and say hello. Matt and Emily bought a house, it looks beautiful (from the blog) I don't know what Darcie is up to Dan never has time to chat. I did get to go to lunch with Ritchie and his little family that was nice, his kiddos are getting so big. I miss our insurance days just cause he is so funny. Shannon is in Boston and I haven't spoken to her since her wedding.
I have been going to this small group at my church which has been nice, the ladies in it are so sweet. I had better run I am going to go make some potato's for brunch its damn near 11 and I am just getting up from my Internet surfing...

I am a ROCK STAR!!!

Rock Band and Guitar Hero are the SHIT!! I have been playing both, Rock Band at the Ziels and Guitar Hero III at my house. It has been so fun! I like the drums on Rock Band and the guitar on Hero. It is so so so so so so much fun! I am okay on easy on both games but it is really easy to get addicted to. I am glad that I have had a chance to hang out and play.
I also cleaned out my parents fridge... damn, that was a yucky mess something spilled and was all over almost everything. GROSS!! It is really clean now, bleached and cleaned. I also cleaned out my car which was kinda gross too... Lola decided that she needed a car ride not too long ago and I had to vacuum it all out and wipe everything down. I need to get some fabreeze so it doesn't smell like a big bulldog. That will have to come later, I was going to clean Alix's too but she has so many items that take too long to clean out. I don't want to go in and out of the house before I go and vacuum it.

Anyway... my day has been very boring I have spent it cleaning and playing guitar hero.

Love Lockdown...

So I have been downloading new music while I am watching the finally of Project Runway, I am obsessed with the new Kanye song "Love Lockdown" it is amazing. You lose!
It is really a great song! I also downloaded a lot of sad songs I have been in the mood for sad songs as of late. But I did also get some really peppy ones too, can't go without a good mix of happy, sad, and silly.
I am also obsessed with TI I really like a lot of his stuff, all the stuff with Rhianna is great! I am listening to whatever you like right now... GREAT!! good good good goodness... Better finish the show so I can get ready for a very busy day.

Built a skyscraper of procrastination

Wow... I just was smacked in the face of how my life has become so pathetic, empty, and false with a well needed dose of reality that in and of itself is extremely scary. I have fallen off the stage of my well scripted (often ad-libbed) Broadway production on my face in the dark hoping that no one will notice my brokenness, but I am paralyzed in fear because I can not get up without help.

My life as of late has been how do I put this delicately, not the easiest. Most of my issues if not all are completely self induced. The past year at least I have lived with a festering wound of self-deprecation and pity medicated by all of the vices I embrace, a band-aid of material things, drugs, alcohol, and empty or unrealistic relationships that I purchase with my time, money, and emotion (or lack of). I have made some very poor choices and in some situations continue to which is tough .

Tough to think that I have no control over what people think of me or what they might say or how I will feel about it. I can try and put on a hard exterior, build walls around my "cold black heart" that I don't care or that I don't grasp the severity of what I am doing or have done but I do, BELIEVE me I do, to the extent that I can given that I am trying to get a grip with thoughts of people I have hurt and abandoned. I am wrestling with things that I have never had to deal with before, not really things that I am willing to blog about in specifics but general themes in my life that I am struggling with. But things that I want to delve head first into so that I can change the patterns of destruction, anger, apathy, and hurt.

People that I deeply care about and can't reach out to because I feel so bad. I know that if I said what needed to be said, which may not be how I feel, but said what needs to be, the wounds might be to deep, to painful, to epic to even imagine. Trying to fathom what the world would hold after the dust clears makes my stomach turn. I have become so intrinsically aware of how my actions effect everyone in my world and far reaching outside its guarded walls. I might have wounded some that I will never even meet or get a chance to hastily put together some sort of reasoning behind my missteps, not like there is reasoning beyond my own selfishness.

I wanted to feel something besides sad and lonely! I DID even if it was often false, unfair, or without thought of consequence. I have to stop trying to dictate when and how I will feel feelings and not let it effect me so far down the road. I have been bottling these thoughts and emotions for years and have based my self worth on them and it is time to let it go.

It reminds me of a song that I love but never really put too much thought into the words having meaning for me in my life. All though my struggle is more internal than it is dealing with "the weight of two beauties" they are like a knife jabbing into me, ripping away at the untruth and making things much more difficult than I had anticipated.

"What of the mother whose house is in flames, and both of children are in their beds crying? she loves them both with the whole of her heart but she knows she can carry only one at a time. She is chocking on the smoke of unthinkable choices and she is haunted by the voices of so many desires and she is bent over from the business of begging forgiveness while frantically running around putting out fires. but then what kind of scale compares the weight of two beauties, the gravity of duties, or the ground speed of joy? And tell me what kind of gauge can quantify elation what kind of equation could I possibly employ?"

I can't win....

So I came to Idaho for a little bit to work for my dad and get some cash flow. I ended up coming for quite awhile, I was helping my mom do some filing and she wanted me to go get lunch which I was totally okay with. I went to Wendy's to get a #1 with the largest diet coke they have and I decided on a spicy chicken. I get back to the shop and start eating then it hit me, I sharp pain in the right side of my mouth. Debilitating pain, I was about half way through my sandwich and I had to run to the bathroom to throw up it hurt so bad. So I decided to all Alicia she is a dental assistant and also teaches dental assisting where she works.
Mom told me to just have it pulled... well it isn't a tooth real far back in my mouth and it would have looked really stupid to be missing it. So Dr. J says that he can save it and he is willing to give me a really good deal if I let him drill out the infection and fill it with medication and a temporary, given that I have been in and out of pain since it broke damn near 10 years ago I was more than willing to let him do this. It didn't take too long, it did take a lot of numbing stuff my teeth don't numb easily. I felt 3 of the 4 wisdom teeth as they came out when I had that done at 16. I am feeling better even though I looked like I had a stroke and I still feel like I was kicked in the face but, I would rather that then the pain I have been in for the last few weeks.
I can't seem to get ahead, I have now been to the dentist, and the hospital 5 times.... Oh well!
Things have to start looking up soon! They have to!!

Sleeping Beauty...

I am watching Sleeping Beauty with my little niece and I have to say it is my favorite Disney Movie. I love it and always have, when I was a little girl I wanted to be Aurora. She is beautiful and talented and has three fairies who want to make her look fab and eat cake!! MY FAVORITE!!
I still want to be Aurora or Rose whatever you want to call her she is great. Who knew that you could fall in love with a prince in one day? Well you can! And you have two ladies yelling make it pink make it blue! about your dress and about your cake it would be wonderful!
well I better get back to it I have to do my dad's homework and I have to get Anastasia some more cereal, she has to go home after the movie and she is very worried about getting more Cinnamon toast crunch before that happens.

Just another Manic Monday... wish it were Sunday cause thats my Funday

I spent most of my day with Olyea on Sunday and we had a really good time. We didn't do anything in particular, just sat at her house and watched movies. Seems like my lot in life as of late to just watch movies and hang out.

I re-wrote my resume today, waiting for the edit. I am sure that it will be changed for the better, the person I sent it to is a resume master.

So I have spent the bulk of the morning looking for jobs with Empire Records in the back ground it is nice to listen to movies from the other room that you have seen a million times because you don't really have to see it. "Its Rex Manning Day!" The person that lives next to me is very ill, she has been coughing all morning and I couldn't tell if it was human or not. She has been hacking so hard it sounds like a cat trying to cough up a hair ball or something it is disgusting. I am glad when I am that sick I don't sound so terrible, when I am really sick my cough sounds fake it is really shallow and sounds like I am a big fat faker trying to get out of something I don't want to do. Weird...

I should probably get back to it, just thought that I would write a little blog before I get back on the job search.

"Because Warren that would hurt alot!" haha!! Love it!

Crazy, crazy for feeling so lonesome...

I didn't want to be alone today, but what happened... I am alone. Oh well, I am okay with I guess I ended up going to the store and then decided that I wanted print some pictures. When I was putting the ones that I have into a album I noticed that I had very few of my smallest girlfriend Danica. So I printed some off I love them they turned out really cute. I still have quite a few pages in the book before it is full but I will worry about that later.

I need to take some more recent ones I haven't since August. I think I am going to take some with Olyea tomorrow. I am going to meet up with her after church.

I did get to chat with Michelle tonight it was good to talk to her. She is doing well, she got to go on a little road trip with Brian and the Kiddos. Bri Guy has to work so she will get to hang out with a friend from high school. Which will be good for her. I am glad I got to talk to her, I rarely do. I miss them a lot, I should have given Bri Guy a hug before I left when I was there before. I know that he was struggling with the passing of a dear friend. I feel really bad I have struggled a lot with quite a few things but not death. Thankfully not that but I should have given him a hug and let him know how much I love he and his family.

I am watching another movie Lucky number Sleven, great movie. Great Movie!! I better get back to it its starting to get intense, they just told Josh Hartnet (Sleven) that he has to kill the Rabbi's son the Fairy. Getting interesting.

A little less conversation....

I have been watching a lot of movies since I have moved into my new place. I don't have a co axle cable so I don't know if I even get local channels. I have watched some really good ones, Ella Enchanted, The Departed, Garden State, Saving Silverman, Funny Girl, Dream Girls, Run Lola Run, Half Nelson, and Pan's Labyrinth. That is what I have on now, I had forgotten how sad this movie is. I am going to have to watch something funny after cause it is too sad.

The bad captain is sewing his mouth shut where the woman cut it. OUCH!!

I went to Target this morning, afternoon whatever I tried to call Darcie to see if she wanted to go I know how she loves Target but she didn't answer. I haven't been able to get a hold of her for a long time. I don't think I have seen her since I crashed I haven't really seen any of my friends since I crashed. I call and no answer from most. Oh well life is busy I understand that.

My tummy hurts, I shouldn't have eaten the chocolate that I had earlier today it isn't making me feel good. I finally got some food, when I went to the store the other day I got a few things but not the basics so I went and did that. Food has gotten so expensive! When did apple juice get up to 3 bucks? Yikes!!

I think I am going to go to a movie tonight I need to get out of the house it is rainy and yucky and I don't want to listen to it anymore.

Hmm... where to start.

So here I go, update on what is going on in my life. I have moved downtown, I really like it I don't sleep well here but I am not used to the unusual noise here. The upstairs neighbor nice guy and an amazing cook (at least from the smell) but odd... He has sex in the middle of the day or watches porn promptly at one. It is weird but I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that it is his own rather than a tape or DVD.
I decided that I am not going to get cable or satellite I am going to netflix it. When I find a more permanent job I won't be home enough to watch it and I don't want to be a couch potato.
I have moved too many times in my short stay in Utah and I have also spent way too much time being sick or wounded. I am not scared of my scooter anymore I have ridden it quite a bit. I wish that I could wear real shoes on both feet but I am okay with my hospital shoe for now. I need to go back in for some sort of follow up visit for my foot but I really don't want to I think I am just going to show it to one of my friends who is in the medical field and call it good.
I am so glad that I have my own place again!!! It is fantastic, I need to have a little house warming party but I don't know when.
My dad is coming down today if it isn't too rainy. He needs to get some stuff for work, I hope that he is able to come. I moved everything on Wednesday so that I wouldn't have to worry about the rain. I am glad that I did so that I would have time to get everything put away, it is almost put away but put away for the most part. I don't have a lot of storage but that is okay.
Olyea is moving or going to try and move to Cali. I hope that it works out for her she needs a change in a positive direction. I am going to her court date with her, and hopefully she will be divorced. I guess that her douche of a still husband soon to be no longer husband has signed all the papers but for some reason she will need to go to court this month.
I am sad to be out of Julie's I didn't realize how much I liked her. We were really getting along and things were great it was a good temporary place and I will miss it. I went there yesterday to get some mail and was sad to scoot away. But then I pulled up the hill and into my new spot and I loved it!!
I need to get online and find a cover for my scoot so I will blog again later~

Yay!!

So I finally have my own place again! It is great I live downtown no more burbs for me! haha... I love it I have been here for two days I don't really sleep but that is okay it always takes me a while before I can sleep in a new place. I love having my stuff back I didn't realize how much I have it was a pain in the butt to get it all moved in here but that is okay.

I moved almost everything by myself I ended up having to ask a homeless guy if he could help me. He was collecting cans from the dumpster in the parking lot and I had already called the mormons and the catholics and starving students and everyone had said they couldn't help until after noon well I needed to get the truck back by noon so I was desprate for the help. He was really nice and clean, I offered him a little bit of money and he was more than willing to help.

I then borrowed a dear friends truck and got the rest moved, I did lock my keys in my car cause I am a loser and I always do that but oh well!!

I AM IN!! I HAVE MY OWN PLACE!!

Ouchies

Danica and Ashton are always worried about ouchies... well I got one! I actually have a few on my foot it hurts so badly I can't even begin to explain it.
I was on my scooter and then I wasn't then I was on the ground with people trying to help me but the help wasn't there. I was pinned under the scoot right foot completely smashed and a couple came rushing back to me. They didn't speak any English and the man put his foot on the scooter! Smashing my foot further into the ground, and his wife had me in a bear hug and was trying to pick me up. I just kept screaming the bike the bike THE BIKE!! and finally some man came running yelling in spanish to pick up the bike.
Then he picked me up! I was covered in blood and a huge piece of my big toe was missing just gone... he offered to take me to the ER and I accepted. I couldn't take myself I could barely walk.
I sobbed in the back of the car while his wife talked about how lucky I was that I had on my hemlet... no not helmet hemlet... I was very lucky that I had enough sense to wear it.
I was gushing blood out of my toe which I think is now infected but I couldn't even bare the pain it hurt so much.
I called my mother and Darrell my Utah dad and he came to the hospital to tell me to be a man and suck it up. I tried but I have never cried so hard. I would post some pics but I am too lazy to go get the camera from my room.
I have never spent so much time in the hospital and I don't recommend it to anyone it really isn't all that fun. I am glad that I didn't lose a toe that could have easily been the case but I didn't and I am thankful. I am sorry to worry everyone. I am going to go finish off the pain killers that were prescribed and go to bed I have a long day ahead of me but I look forward to it.
Good luck to those who continue to scoot... it hasn't been that good to me so I think I will wait until i heal... I don't want to but it is probably for the best! :(

Truthing...

So I had a great weekend still have one day left well most of a day and I am enjoying it.
Went to Kira and Rogers! London has gotten so big! It was so good to see them and know that they are doing well. They are moving to IF which is really exciting. It will be good to be able to see them when I go home, rather than stopping in Pocatello.
I start a new job tomorrow I am excited I have never been so excited to do something so out of the norm for me. I got to go to church this morning that was really good. Julie is fantastic it was nice to just sit and listen. I also saw Ms. Mary I love her so much it was nice to catch up a bit with her before I scooted away. I need to go and get my new phone changed over I fell on the other yesterday and shattered the front which is okay cause I hated it but a little sad that I won't have a red phone anymore. Oh well... life goes on that is what I have to keep telling myself life goes on and things will work themselves out.
I better run need to hit the verizion store before it gets busy and then I think I am going to nap I don't want to do anything today but hang out nap and yeah nap!
I am really glad to be back and I hope that today will be a good one it has started out well and I am just going to keep that feeling going. I hope that I get to go spend some time with Olyea! It feels like forever since we got to just hang out! I miss her a great deal and am going to make time today for coffee or something
And I am going to fast for the next ten days... I feel like it would do me some good to not eat during the day only water and maybe diet coke maybe. I don't know I think that I am in need of refocus... It can go nowhere but up from here!!
Hooray!!

Who are you to wave your finger you practically raised the dead...

I am in love with my new life... I am trying really hard to not get down! Lots of things have changed and it has been a struggle the last few weeks. I have come and gone with Jared, which was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I really hope that Jeffy gets my old job he is the only one in the store qualified.
I have a new job well 2 new jobs I start the most exciting one on Monday.
I crashed my scoot, fell off at least I have to monster bruises!! It hurt so bad! And I ruined Lunaberry for myself. I don't think I can go there anymore. It hurt too badly for me to even think of how yummy it is.
I do need to get in the shower so I can go to Michelle's and see the babies! I really need to go hang out with her in my flip flops and Olyea's dress... Yes I wore it last night but I am going to wear it again today because I don't want to even think about getting the stuff out of the car. It is too much work and I don't want to think about it.

Are you Married or Gay???

It seems like if I am even a little bit interested in someone they are either married or gay? WTF??

I don't understand?? I am starting to feel like I am that girl that once you date me you find your true love. It is really putting a damper on my social life, or the lack of social life lately.

I want to buy a home so I can have some stability but I want someone to share said home with. I also don't want all the baggage of a previous or current marriage or gayness... It really sucks!

I am totally struggling with the fact that I might be a cat lady, well in my case a dog or bird lady but an animal lady none the less.

I am going in the morning to put an offer on a townhouse and I am stuck in this feel bad for myself mode. We interviewed someone today for a front office position and he is so cute but I am sure that because I am attracted to him he is going to be either engaged, married, or dun dun dun GAY!!

It must be my lot in life to be sad and alone! Even though I am neither right now I am still bugged that my world is not turning out how I want it to, I thought by 26 I would be married myself and maybe have a kid or two. But no! I have a dog that is in Idaho and I live in a room that used to be a garage!

Oh well it could be much worse I could be jobless... right now I have 2 of those, carless... I have a car and a scooter and really alone. I am not I have alot of people in my life that want to be there. So I am going to stop bitching and get back to work even though I don't know what I am supposed to be doing given that no one has told me what is expected today .

I love my life it is good... a little odd but good for the most part.

I don't have a black heart but I do have black lungs

Last weekend I ended up in the hospital and then in Idaho with my family.
I wasn't feeling well and I couldn't breathe so I called my mom and told her how I was feeling and it seemed like I had an apendicitis or maybe a serious kidney infection. But it was neither, once the Dr. took a chest x-ray it was obvious that I had a bad case of pnemonia. I am really glad that I didn't have to have surgery but I am still struggling to breathe.
I don't like that at all!!
But I do need to get some work done so I will blog again later.

I got a SCOOTER!!

Hooray Hooray for me I got a scoot!! Its a 2008 Lance Venice. Lance-y Pants! I love it!! I am a little sore this morning from driving it so much I ended up taking it to Olyea's and back which is freaking Sandy!
I love love love it though! It is one of the best things I have ever done! She is Pink and I also have a pink Helmet! I love it so much! I can't even describe how cool this thing is!
I am going to have to drive it to and from work in the daylight I wasn't too sure about 6am with the new vehicle with it only being my second day of ownership. My computer is being stupid and the pictures won't import but I will work on that and get it done later on today. What sucks is that I have to shut down almost always to make it work. I need to figure out how to download them with wireless my camera has that capability but I don't know how to use it.
Anywhoo... I should get up to the front desk so I can help Brian do the morning stuff

My Cold Black Heart...

So I have decided that my heart is cold and black. I tried to feel feelings and it did nothing for me! Nothing!

I am really upset that I let someone in, it will be okay I know that I will be fine but my feel bads are hurt and I don't know for sure what to do about it. I just need a good nights sleep and maybe a bottle of wine. I doubt the bottle of wine will come into play but the sleep will. I am not going to do anything tonight besides go home... Crap I can't go home there is a meeting at my house tonight... Ugg!

I am going to go to a movie then the Dark Knight probably and then I will go home and go to bed. I am so tired, I am going to be working very early and I am going to have to work this weekend too. Which sucks but it will be okay, we will be able to get rid of the girl that keeps giving rooms away for free. There is no reason ever to give a room away.

I have given too much away in the past few weeks with very little in return I am going to throw all of that emotion into work and not think about it anymore.

I am no longer going to blog on anything but this myspace is the devil.

Hope today starts to look up, there is no where but up from here.

Just because it is Good... Doesn't make it right.

I am struggling this morning with some recent choices I made, I don't know that I am doing the right thing when it comes to my personal life.
I hope that I am but I don't know I keep jumping into all of these situations while in the moment are full filling in the long run I don't know what I am getting myself into. I have done this in the past and am hoping to stop with the same patterns.
I got a random text message last night from a friend that I haven't spoken to with since probably February. He is just getting back into the real world and looking forward to 2009 when he can finally do what he wants with his life. It was nice to hear from him but also a little much at 2am...
I am looking forward to what the next few weeks will bring but I am also very nervous I might have gotten the ball rolling in the wrong direction personally. I need to decide what I am going to do to and what path to choose. I am not to worried I have had nothing but positive things happen thus far in the last few weeks.
I am moving up in the world and it is hard to look back and I am not going to.
I hope that everyone has a blessed and productive day.

Darcie's Birthday Bash... and the rest of the goings on

So little d's birthday was one of the most fun I have had in ages! I was completely sober! ALL WEEKEND! I did end up having one mojito at the Mayan, but I was so good I only had water at the Tav. Which is so unusual for me but I had a great time!!

Matt, Emily, Tony, Michelle, Dan, and Darcie were all there also Blake Blakerson! It was great to see him he has been out of my life for so long then there he was right next to me. It was a really good time.

I am so surprised that I didn't drink at all I don't usually stay sober especially at the Tav but I did so well.

I also got to spend some time with the new boy in my life. He is super cute, it was really great to spend time with him and get some well needed advise on what I need to be doing with my new job that I started on Saturday.

I had to walk out of Jared on Thursday, I felt as though I had no choice. Some girl called me desperate, I can handle impulsive because I am impulsive but I am not desperate for anything. The district Manager called me the next day and offered me more money but at this point it has nothing to do with money. Has everything to do with not having some bitch who F@cked a guest after selling him an engagement ring in the Shopko parking lot. I have no time for her nasty ass fake teeth bitchy attitude. She is not worth even writing about but it is okay. I will be fine and am fine.

My world is starting to look up I have a new job and a new life that I am working really really hard trying to enjoy. I think that my Gay boyfriend is upset with me but that has to be okay too... I miss him but I think that I crossed too many lines and I don't know that I can take any of it back. At least I have a new person to go drunk bowling with. I am sure that if invited he would go again but I don't know that it will happen. I miss him but it will be okay.

I did get the best new job ever that I was able to start on Saturday it has been fantastic! I LOVE IT!!

I have never been happier and was told today that I sound like I am full of confidence which is very good to hear.

I have a NEW JOB!!!

HOORAY!! I finally have a new job! I am going to be the new-est Marketing and Sales Director at 2 hotels... I can't even describe how excited I am!! I can't wait I start Saturday! NICE!!
I can't wait! It will be so good. I will be able to work both jobs I think and it will be fantastic.
There is light at the end of the tunnel! It is going to be an amazing opportunity for me and for a lot of people that I love. I am truly blessed!
I hope that everyone in my little corner of the world can be as lucky as me!!

AHH!! The Ex-Factor

I am so tired of not so single, single-ish if you will men hitting on me. Married, Gay, newly divorced/separated... I am bugged!
It is getting so old being the single friend but now there is this whole new level of annoyance in this neat little package called the ex-factor!! It is starting to get in the way of my happiness, I hope this is something that I can remedy soon!
I am so excited to go to the Tav tomorrow night it will be alot of fun. Too bad that Olyea can't come she will be at the gateway until 10ish... But I am so excited that she is liking her new job and that she has her car back. That has to be such a relief for her...
I better go get some sleep... It is getting late

Matt & Emily

Another great addition to the married population! Em and Matt made it 8/8/08 was a wonderful day! It started with a little rain but cleared up just in time for one of the most touching ceremonies I have ever attended. I did get to be a small part by pushing play on the Ipod.

She looked amazing in her dress and I am so glad I could only see her. I wouldn't have been able to keep my game face if I could have seen Matt with tears streaming.

I got to sit next to Simon and his beautiful girlfriend Casey, I almost lost it when Simon began to cry but I held it in. Tony and Michelle offered the best ride to the reception with the beautiful corvette.

I had a great time at the reception even though I did have to leave in the middle to bring someone a key. It was disappointing because I missed a lot of the important traditions, the bouquet toss, the garter toss, and eating the cupcakes (which looked fantastic). The food and drinks were amazing some of the best little chicken salad croissants ever. It was a beautiful and memorable event and I am so glad that I got to be a part of it.

The rest of the evening should be forgotten, and for the most part it is. I did end up sleeping on Jeff's couch and having to leave early in the morning to take my dress (which was a disaster in and of itself) to the cleaners but before I could do that I had to wash the chocolate syrup off my car. It was an interesting day and night to say the least but it was amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Thank you Matt and Emily for letting me be part of your special day! I really enjoyed it and can't wait to see what the future holds for you! I am truly blessed to have you as friends!

Nearest and Dearest...

Some of my closest friends have gotten married. Shannon was the first, it was a very interesting Jewish wedding. That started off with a man saying without knowing that his mic was on "Dave thought this was going to be all Jewish music"

The reception was sureal, lots of wine and good food. And weird old boyfriendish guys... Not boyfriends per say but boyfriend-ish...

One who is in love with the beautiful Em, the other Canadian who wouldn't even look at me. It was interesting to hear the toasts. Sad that credit wasn't given where it was due but I am okay with that.

Who would have thought that a dress-up party would have lead to a beautiful wedding??

I am so happy for her, they have moved to Boston to pursue their new lives. I am so excited for the both of them. I hope that everything works out.

Granny Bowling...

I am the Queen Bee granny bowler, I went bowling again last night. With Michelle and her friend who yes has his own ball and shoes. He didn't have time to get them though being that we went late and only had time for one round.

I didn't even break 100, I damn near didn't break 50! I am a terrible bowler and can't throw the ball as you should. I pop out my booty and swing the ball between my legs then toss... It works I got a strike and a spare. Other than that I missed every pin.

This is the 2nd bowling extravaganza I have had in the past few weeks. The first was with Jeff, Brandee, and Darcie it was a lot of fun. That time I fell, I fell hard right on the lane. It was something out of a movie, they all thought that I did it on purpose which I should have lied and said that I did. OH well... you live and learn.

Today has been a very eventfull day that I am sure is not going to slow down so I need to think less about tossing a bowling ball and more about getting stuff done.

I finally retired the Clown Car Purse...

Yesterday I bought a new purse, I have been on the lookout for a long time now and I did it! I have moved everything over to a new bag!

I wish that I had the Louis Vutton bags that Em and D are sporting but I my Dad has never been to China and I have not found a steal of a deal at Name droppers. I love MY new bag though. It is a Hurley from Zumiez. An odd choice I know but it has all the attributes I wanted in a new bag. Pockets on the front and sides, a zipper pocket inside to keep keys and lip gloss and it is black. SHOCKING I KNOW!!

The Gucci is going to take a hideous I don't know that I will ever get rid of it but it will be on vaca for quite sometime. It has been very good to me for a very long time, and it is shocking how much I could and did fit into it. Em gave the poor thing the title "Clown-car" and it has stuck. I had wedding invites, work schedules, pictures, prescriptions, make-up, checkbooks, my wallet and a myriad of other things neatly tucked away in that bag. It is completely empty now and I am excited for the new one.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT!!!